Alyssa: “Untaken Trip,” was a nice short and sweet blog. I think the idea behind the story of how you just showed up at the airport and randomly selected a flight is story that most people would love to tell. While reading it, I could tell there was a common thread of just being able to breathe that traveled through each paragraph. The writing made the tone very calming, and the details really made the scenery and feelings come to life. In “what a place is and how a place seems,” it was interesting to hear about your perspective on the Arizona / Mexico border. I appreciated how you gave a very calming understanding of what it can be like living near the border, which like you said, can be very misunderstood. One thing I might suggest is using commas to help indicate when the reader should pause when reading. Sometimes it seems like things just mesh together when your words could be better emphasized using punctuation marks.
Jesus: Your blog for Prompt 11 was very well written. I wasn’t quite sure how you were going to incorporate a trip that you haven’t taken, but after reading the whole blog, I really enjoyed how you were thinking outside the box. I also admired how you were able to create a timeline for the relationship between you and your sister by writing in chapters. “Superfly” was awesome with the illustrations and everything. Keeping the sentences short gave a slightly creepy tone that matched the idea of the scary house and evil grandmother. Plus, the ending was short, sweet, and funny. Very nice.
John: For “The Football Fields” blog, I really enjoyed how you started off by giving your perspective on what the grounds looked like before the football fields were put in place, and then continued on as time passed. I can really tell how much you and your family enjoy those fields especially in the final paragraph. One small suggestion would be that in your second to last paragraph, in the second sentence, it could have used a comma after “football.” I’m sorry if it looks like I’m nitpicking, I just can’t find anything else to critique. In “A trip not yet taken,” I really really hope you never have to take that trip. Your descriptions from the beginning up until the last sentence had me on my toes waiting to find out where you at in the blog. It was a nice twist to the prompt; very creative and detailed.
Miranda: “If it weren’t for lack of money or time” was a great story. It actually seemed like you had really taken that trip because how you added the dialogue. If there’s anything I could ask you to do…could you include the prompt number for each blog? It’s hard for me to tell which blog is for this week or next week. I would super-d-duper appreciate it. In “Ceramics, my love,” I especially enjoyed your finishing sentence. Comparing creating ceramics to a lover is a great metaphor and pretty funny as well. I wasn’t aware of the all the work that goes into ceramics, so it was cool to read about process.
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